Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
