Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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