3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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