Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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