this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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