: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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