the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
should my penis look like a turkey
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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