I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you will always have a special place in my vag
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
