Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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