My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
