pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
