Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize