good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
