Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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