I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize