So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
