You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Enjoy the penises
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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