Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize