im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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