Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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