I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
