Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
