Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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