He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
