the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
