So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
