I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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