"it" just moved
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
