I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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