Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
