He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
