grandma shit on top of the toilet
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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