You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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