Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
