Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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