I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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