It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I didn't notice because vodka
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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