i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
