I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
