On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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