Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize