Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
