I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
