benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
