checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
