God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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