Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
