i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize