i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
