You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
