I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
