I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
a search helicopter?!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
