So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize