He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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