Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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