I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
