Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
