I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
