Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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