You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
