Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize