my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
