Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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