I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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