He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
