This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
