i wish peter jackson would direct porn
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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