chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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