Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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