everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
