do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
