you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think people are normalizing furries
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
