she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
