My underwear smells like fireworks.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
