OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
