you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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