From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
