in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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