i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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