i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
