I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
