Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
