Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
