i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize