Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
